How many of us have not suffered as a direct result of believing that they were not enough? Isn’t all self criticism, all self-contempt link back to a belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with me?
Also, when we are disappointed with others doesn’t the same theme apply? That other person should have been more trustworthy, they should have been more kind, they should have been more considerate, they should have more generous, they should have been brighter ... and so it goes.
This is the universe of deficiency - of not enough - of lack.
Remarkably, it is this very belief that both creates our self-misery, as well as provide the essential fuel that leads to our awakening.
Like everything else in the universe, it is a paradox that provides no ready-made or predictable understanding. Ah - how messy is the real world!
Let’s dive into Verse 44 of the Tao and see how this understanding applies. Today I will be using the translation by
Derek Lin.
Fame or the self, which is dearer?The self or wealth, which is greater?Gain or loss, which is more painful?
Anytime we seek lasting contentment through possessing anything external to our essential self, our infinite presence, we are begging the universe for misery. In this way, the universe is a generous companion, for misery it will provide. It is something we can count on. Our mind projects how happy and content the fulfillment of a particular need will be, but this is a double edged sword. We are driven to pursue our psychological needs and sacrifice ourselves int he pursuit. If we obtain what we believed will make us happy, the very quality we sought will not only become bland, but will, one day, be taken from us.
So when the Tao asks, “Fame or self - which is dearer?” - it is pointing us to what both comes and goes as well as to what is always available. This verse presents a choice. We can spin our wheels chasing what we believe we lack - a chase that only lasts a life time or we can
see what we are really doing and return to the root - the source of our being. This fertile source is not only available, it is our essential being. Every moment presents this decisive choice - but with realization the challenge of choice vanishes, for the mind as been tamed through clear seeing and the wisdom it imparts to us.
This understanding applies to every externality. Notice that every idea and thought you have about yourself also comes and goes - no exceptions! Yet you somehow remain, radiant and ready? How utterly wonderful!
But the line about gain and loss, that seems a little trickier. Isn’t it obvious that gain gives us pleasure and loss must be painful?
When we gain, another must loose. When we gain, we will need to look over our shoulder worried that we will loose what we have struggled for, for riches come and go. When we become addicted to gain, we become slaves to our needs. Can you imagine a more painful life?
Yes, loss can also be painful - it can be very painful. But when we see that gain and loss are completely external to our essential beings, we can allow them to come and go. Today our possessions grow and tomorrow they are dispersed. The cycle continues in ways that we cannot know. But when we become centered in our essential being opportunities for authentic wealth and joy become so much more available.
The Verse continues:
Thus excessive love must lead to great spending.Excessive hoarding must lead to heavy loss.
When we fall in love to anything external to ourselves and establish it as a need that we must possess and control, we make ourselves into a slave. We are compelled to service this need and bleed ourselves dry in our addicted drive.
A greedy and dead spirit is driven to hoard. It looks out into the world and sees danger and loss around every corner. It must cling to what it has like a wraith. This is the very life of fear and contraction that is most pitiful and sad.
The Verse concludes:
Knowing contentment avoids disgrace.Knowing when to stop avoids danger.Thus one can endure indefinitely.
When we know what sustains anguish, what makes us appear desperate before others, then we know what to avoid. With this knowing we can allow the contentment that is not only our birthright, but our essence to flower. For the Authentic Self will flower when the layers of need, addiction, and lack are finally allowed to wither away. Living as the contentment we truly are, nothing can threaten us. Our essential being is permanent. Nothing can threaten it. Thus we truly endure indefinitely. We can finally live free of fear.
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V44_Lack
Tags: seeking, deficient self, Lack
