
I have often thought of myself as disorganized. I easily lose things and often I lose important things. Does that mean that I am a disorganized person?
From the perspective of non-duality I am actually that which sees the incidents of disorganization and the self-irritation that inevitably develops as a by-product of this trait. Disorganization and the ensuing irritation are objects seen by the universal subject; our true identity.
Let’s pose the question, is this true? Let’s take a close look at what happens.

So I think this is who I am. I’m disorganized and when I’m disorganized I get annoyed.
Now let’s take an alternative view based on the direct experience of non-duality.

This illustration would better if I could show the “disorganization” experience within the seeing self, as well as the resulting self-irritation, but I could not do it with this software, but from the experience of non-duality this is the way it would, ideally, be shown. Disorganization and irritation occur within the underlying true self.
From the perspective of non-duality the seeing self is that which never changes and the perceived world consists of passing images seen by the true self. Further, it is said that this true self is never born and cannot die. There are schools with Buddhism that call this the Unborn Self - the Buddha Mind.
Is this an accurate representation of experience?
Without an experiencer our first illustration could never be perceived. If there is no one to see, then who could ever say that they are disorganized and that the body/mind experiences irritation? Thus our first representation does not reflect reality as we experience it. It’s just a set of “things” existing in a vacuum.
So what then is the difference between the so-called awakened entity and the unawakened person?
Before moving on to that question, let’s make sure that this “seeing” subject is really the same subject described in the writings of non-duality. We will discover that it isn’t the same thing and herein lies the great difference.
This seeing subject notes the incidents of disorganization and the ensuing irritation. “It” might find them interesting or dull and it may wish that this body/mind were different from what it apparently is. But there is another quality we can note about this seemingly subjective being and that is this:
it’s not a subject at all! It is really another object. And believing that this is the mysterious non-dual subject of experience is the error that many seekers make. The disorganization, the irritation, and the observer are each objects. Now we seem to be getting somewhere.
In deep sleep there are no observed objects. There is only nothing. It is this nothingness that provides us with a place to hang our non-dual hats. The “nothingness” that characterizes deep sleep is exactly the same nothingness that is present and must be present in wakefulness. It cannot be seen, touched, heard, or grasped. It is, literally, nothing ... or is it?
It cannot be knowing, because any knowing, without exception, is, itself, an object, something that can be seen and because it can be seen, it must be an object to something. Moreover, knowing is changeable and therefore cannot be confused with the changeless.
The presumption in non-duality is that this nothingness
must exist for anything to be seen. Is this true?
Confusion is likely to arise between the assertion of the unseen nothingness with that which we have identified as the observer or witness. Where this observing consciousness ends and the underlying nothingness begins is (for lack of a better word) subtle indeed. But anything that can be perceived cannot be the underlying eternal subject - consciousness itself. Thus any response, any knowing is an object of this consciousness. In fact, from the perspective of non-duality, every perceived thought, feeling, emotion, and material object is a kind of condensation of the underlying nothingness. It
is the nothingness in fleetingly material form. Nothingness condenses to form thoughts, sensations, emotions, and material objects but, in fact, no such object can exist because it has no enduring aspect. Rather, the nothingness that fills everything with its being is always in flux. It is the ever-changing Tao. Thoughts, feelings, material objects are all like sparks of consciousness.
Thus nothing in the universe can be claimed as “mine” or “me”. The disorganized person, the irritation, and the observing seeming “self” (or witness) are each just expressions of nothingness with no enduring reality of any kind.
We can also discover that when we reject some classes of perceived experience in preference to others, that suffering must ensue. This can only happen when we attach ourselves only to a particular class of experience, which we label as mine - myself. When it is seen that there is no material or psychological self of any enduring or valid kind, then we are free to love everything exactly as it is, even if it’s a tick sucking blood or a cancerous tumor destroying the life of this body. Both are just the flow of consciousness exactly as it must be.
But there is more to this than just doctrinaire non-duality. There is a ‘gradient’ of perception that differs between bodies. What is closest to me, thoughts, feelings, and material objects will be central to the ongoing nature of my direct experience. Thus my body/nothingness is unique to this perceived now. It is different from how it manifests from every other perspective. This becomes the play of consciousness as it creates and destroys this passage as life. This nothingness appears to be the universe itself. Nothingness is always the same, but the play of objects that appear on “my” screen are different from those on your screen.
This is where my understand of non-duality differs from mainstream non-duality. From the perspective expressed in this post, there is more to THIS than just nothingness. Mainstream non-duality asserts that because the nothingness endures it is dominant. I don’t agree. I would assert that this position is hierarchical and false. The Buddha describes the play of consciousness as that which is mutually arising - a kind of dynamic polarity that embraces both the perceived and the underlying “mysteriousness”. I would assert that this description is much closer to the truth of actual experience. It is a dance of that which is perceived along with the ground of being (nothingness) that provides the space for everything to be exactly as it is. This play - this universe exists within everything that is sentient. There are a zillions of concurrent universes.
Let’s go back to our ordinary life again and test some elements of this description. I enter my bedroom. It’s the same old bedroom I stepped in earlier today and yesterday and every other time. I know the bed is here and the window is there. But is set of statements real?
If we examine this event one thing becomes obvious. That that voice that says that it “knows” the bedroom from frequent repeated experiences is really just the domain of thought responding to something that is, in fact, entirely new. And this is exactly what happens in the unawakened mind. We live through our thoughts and leave no space for what is not covered by the often deadening blanket of thought. Thought is a barrier between the real and itself. Because thought thinks it knows what it has seemingly experienced a million times, this veil of knowing blocks the vitality of that which is new and mutually arising. Both the ground of being and fleeting reality of the experience are cancelled by thought itself. The nothingness that allows for the potent immediacy of dynamic existence is forced down by the aggressiveness of thought.
We don’t often think of thought as aggressive. But it is. It is very aggressive. Thought has already decided what and how this experience is and our vulnerability to the newness and aliveness of this now fails to materialize for us. Because our culture and socialization so greatly values thought, (we live in an extremely aggressive world) we have evolved to give ourselves over to its domain all but entirely. Thought becomes the unquestioned dictator of our world and we sacrifice everything (EVERYTHING) to it. Thought is God and God is thought.
Once this is seen - that we are living exclusively through our thoughts and that we live to serve our thoughts, then something new is provided the opportunity to emerge. This is all that is needed. The universe of thought is real only to itself. It is always a secondary existence to the immediacy of this now. Try it out for yourself. Is this theory and just noise or does this describe the immediate aliveness of this life?
Tags: identity, thought, reality