I received these letters from a seekers:
Eric, I’d appreciate your thoughts. I am older, almost 60, also live near
> Philadelphia, married, kids, work, regular world. After having no
> particular
> interest in “spiritual” matters (yeah, I hate the word too), about 15
> years ago I inched into a Zen practice that was centered around Joko Beck
> of
> Zen Center of San Diego and her dharma heirs, including a group in NYC. I
> was
> very diligent about it and attended a number of sesshins long and short
> and worked with solid teachers regularly. I’ve read that a lot of people
> are
> drawn to Zen by a search for enlightenment; some transcendent experience
> that changes everything permanently. That wasn’t me. I just was drawn to
> Zen
> as a practice that enabled me to be less reactive and less conditioned.
> And
> it worked. But the unintended outcome or apparent outcome is that through
> practice I’ve increasingly seen how the discriminating mind of this and
> that, of thought, is the source of suffering, but as I’ve seen the
> illusory
> nature of this self that thought seeks to protect, I have experienced no
> diminution of the suffering. On the contrary. Whereas before when the
> usual
> buttons were pushed, there was always ‘hope’ of some external solution. I
> now
> see that there can be so solution, and intellectually I see that there is
> no problem, but in reality, that is not how I experience it. In the areas
> that push my buttons, I see it all, hold it all, in a way that has
> changed,
> but it is like now being stuck with it. No escape. I have periodically
> been drawn to the non-duality teachings but my bullshit meter goes off
> with
> alarming frequency with many of the teachers. You seem sane. I would
> appreciate any guidance. Is my experience one that you recognize and if
> so, what
> would you suggest? My practice now is basically to continue to sit with
> it,
> to be it. Some of the conditioning though seems like a mountain and
> frankly
> at the rate of erosion, it won’t be going anywhere soon. Better maybe to
> wander in Paris. Thanks for any help.
Hi Bob,
I relate TOTALLY with what you write. Your experience has been my experience in virtually every detail. I did compose a response to a seeker that has elements that are contained in your letter. You can find this post here:
http://liberationfromthelie.com/b1/files/b98a898751b814021ece6c56b8bf353d-64.htmlAlso, please take a look at this:
http://liberationfromthelie.com/b1/files/51077ce29a546caaefa098a9149ae809-63.htmlWe take refuge in what we think we know - aka the mind. But the mind and its thoughts, ideas, and projections, no matter how sophisticated and elevated is but a fragment of life and, when one truly awakens, is seen to be a consequence of this larger life as well.
We take refuge in the mind when we fear to love. We just can’t trust life to be safe, so we make up stories about pain and suffering and they seem VERY real. Just like pleasure, pain and suffering are a part of life. It is our desperate flight from them that really makes them scary, particularly in memory, which is the home of thought.
You say you meditate. That’s nice, but not necessarily transformative and the reason why is that the person doing the meditating is the seeking self/witness. It is the one who desires transformation. That is why meditating alone will not work. As Tarthang Tulku (an old Tibetan Buddhist) used to teach, there comes a point in our meditation practice where we need to observe the witness, the very entity we take to be ourselves. That observation can only come from spacious awareness - a place where judgment CANNOT happen. That is the abode of the enduring self.
With practice it is seen that this spacious awareness is who we are. This is not to negate the power of strolling through Paris. I LOVE Paris and actually broke down in tears when I had to depart to my plane back to Philly.
Also not all non-dual teachers are fakes. Hopefully, I am not one of them. I really like Scott Kiloby, Greg Goode, Jerry Katz, Annette Nibley, and John Wheeler. I am sure there are many others.
Please feel free to contact me with any of your questions or comments. Remember that I speak only from own direct experience. Your experience will always be different in some ways. That’s perfectly okay. When you really trust life more than your mind, on that day you will be free.
Warmest regards,
Eric
Dear Sir,
>
> I have been on the 'tread-mill' of seeking for a long time now. I believe
> that I am not seeking something abstract. The end of seeking, as I see it,
> is end of pain and fear.
>
> I came across some interesting non-duality teachers over the past 1-2
> years largely on YouTube. Before that I had been reading Krishnamurti,
> Rajneesh etc. It seems that this modern message is same as what Buddha
> said a few thousand years ago. But in more recent times message is
> apparently becoming more and more direct.
>
> My question to you Sir, is that how does one know something absolutely
> completely? I am beset with uncertainty. I want knowledge/answers to be
> complete. I am asking you something expecting that you will answer. I will
> process your answer and may come to admire it. But I am not satisfied at
> all by reading a good answer. I know that I am not satisfied because I
> will ask same thing to some one else who has a supposedly different take
> on it. THE questions do not end. How does knowledge put an end to
> question? How does an answer change from a concept to a matter of
> experience for which one does not have to rely on some one else?
>
> Teachers point to many things such as- I am not what I take myself to be
> which is this body, there is no free will, thoughts are not personal and
> so on. I read such pointers and wonder if this is true. I 'meditate' but
> all I am doing is 'scanning my emotional horizon for a feeling'
> (Adyashanti's words). It seems there is a wide disconnect between what is
> being pointed out and my own private world of experience. I wonder if I am
> listening at all. Then immediately a question arises that why am I not
> paying attention? May be the problem is finding 'still point' as you say
> in one of your YouTube videos. And so it continues.
>
> Please help-
This is how I responded.
Dear
I will respond to your inquiry. The end of seeking is not the end of pain and fear. It is the ending of the personal identification with pain and fear. Pain and fear are a part of life. In fact, it is the mind's flight from pain and fear that keeps the seeking process in place, as well as the identification with personal pain and fear, in place. I would suggest that you make pain and fear your best friends and see what happens. Embrace them - allow them to come to you. Listen to what they want to tell you.
You ask when can someone know something completely. It cannot be done by the analytical mind, which is currently your own home. Ironically, it only happens when we stop believing in the orders we receive every moment from the mind. This takes TRUST. Trust in life exactly as it is devoid of any projection you might impose upon it by your conditioned mind. This is NOT a doing. It's an undoing. We just stop buying into the mind's projections and then see what happens next. This means that we must thrust ourselves into the unknown. Currently it is life itself you fear and have driven yourself into a corner. Perhaps the time has come to abandon your comfortable haven and stand in the light. The mind will project sheer terror. It will want and demand order. And it will claim to be the only one capable of bringing order to the insecure chaos of life. That, my friend, is the projection. Life is neither chaotic or insecure. They are both projections from the fear-based mind.
So know that there is no doing. There is only the stopping of doing. This was the key instruction of Papaji, as well as Krishnamurti. You push God or the Tao away through the vehicle of fear and good intentions. The moment you cease believing in this conditioned ideology, that moment you will be free.
Please feel free to get back to me.
Love to you,
Eric
Download: Letters to Seekers
Tags: seeking, trust, insecurity, Fear
