I am temporarily living in midtown Manhattan. It’s dirty, noisy and just unpleasant.
Every morning I need to walk my dog in this completely paved world. My dog really needs just a little grass and earth on which to pee, but there is no grass or dirt anywhere, so our walks are long and labored in weather that is cold, windy and wet. It is often a rather unpleasant experience.
So my mind judges the experience as “unpleasant”. I can have thoughts like: “I hate living in midtown Manhattan” or “I hate New York” or “Why did we get a dog?”
These thoughts happen. Prior to the realization that interest in the “me” has just drifted away, I made have gotten down on myself for having these thoughts. I would judge myself negatively for having them.
I would think: “I am such a poser. For someone who has dedicated his life to Buddhist meditation and ‘spiritual’ exploration, I am a failure.”
But, with this realization, this first group of thoughts may or may not happen, but they are not grasped by an ambitious and judgmental ego. They no longer define who I am, because who I am is not defined by ANY thought or ANY group of thoughts. So if thoughts, that the mind labels as “negative” happen … who cares? They happen. Everything happens. Genocide happens … anything that can happen will happen. We never need to fall into the error of belief that says: “I shouldn’t be doing this thought.” because you are not the personal one doing the thought.
It is, precisely, the thought, “I should not be having this thought” through which the false “me” is created.
“I should not”
“She should not”
“They should not”
Any “should” statement is fantasy. It creates a false line of separation, where the personal ego judges what its own body/mind is doing/thinking and it also rejects what is happening in the world.
When interest in the “me” dies all on its own, we are free. This dying can not be forced. It needs to happen on its own.
We see ten thousand times how all of our working on “me” just does not have any pay-off. It is just a self-sustaining spinning-like motion whose projected pivot is, itself, false.
Let’s take a much simpler example.
I look at my dog. She is beautiful and calm. I have this thought:
I am looking at my dog.
What is happening in that thought? Prior to waking up to the truth on the absence of the “me”, the emotional emphasis is on “I”. This experience is happening to me. After waking up to the realization that this “me” is only a psychological projection, the emotive happening is on the event of seeing itself. It is free of the gravitational pull of the me.
You can apply this example to everything “happening” in life. Notice how the “I/me” pulls every experience into itself and drains life of its living immediacy. See this often and you will be free. Just notice this gravitational-like pull. Feel the emotion. Notice the energy.
Now go to a mirror and look at your face and body. Feel the energy being drawn into the ego-like “I/me”. Feel its pull. Now take this all one step further … try perceiving the pull itself as merely another inevitable happening. It’s all okay.
Remember that everything that is observed has already happened. It’s past … ancient history … gone. The living moment is untouchable and free of weight … of any kind.
If life feels dead to you, know that what you’re really experiencing is the ego’s twist on immediate experience. You’re feeling the boring, monotonous weight of the psychological “me”.
This gravitational pull of the “I/me” is invisible. It happens so fast, we can barely notice it. But it’s there. It’s happening. You get free by just seeing it (maybe ten thousand times!!!).
For me … I just lost interest in me. It became something I could no longer trust. I found the psychological me quite boring. But the living, immediate me … well that’s another story!
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Examples of Awakening: The Door is Open by A Voice, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.